Boonus, mis tõi mu naeru tagasi

[christophermorrm]

Eelmine aasta oli minu jaoks raske. Täpsemalt – mitte raske, vaid kuidagi… tühi. Mu vanaema suri kevadel. Poeg kolis Rootsi tööle. Ja mina jäin oma ühetoalisesse korterisse Pärnus, kus hommikud algasid samamoodi nagu õhtud lõppesid – üksinda. Ma ei ole eriline kurtsja, aga vahel, kui kedagi pole, hakkad märkama, kui vaikselt kell tiksub.

Ühel kolmapäeval olin eriti lootusetul lainel. Külmkapp oli peaaegu tühi. Ilm oli nagu novembris, kuigi kalendris oli mai. Mõtlesin, et peaksin midagi tegema. Aga mis? Kõik tundus mõttetu.

Siis meenus, et mu kolleeg Kaja rääkis kord tööjuures mingist kasiinost. Ta naeris ja ütles, et ta on seal “mingi viiekaga proovinud”. Ma ei pööranud sellele siis tähelepanu. Aga tol õhtul avasin oma sülearvuti.

Lehekülg tundus esmapilgul igav. Mitte selline ülimalt glamuurne nagu filmides. Pigem lihtne ja funktsionaalne. “Olgu,” mõtlesin. “Proovin. Mul pole midagi kaotada peale kümne euro.”

Aga enne kui ma jõudsin mängima hakata, silmasin midagi. Bänner ütles: “Uutele kasutajatele eripakkumine.” Ma klõpsasin. See polnud tavaline pakkumine. See oli midagi muud.

Vavada boonuskood – trükkisin selle ära nii kiiresti, et peaaegu tegin vea. Tahtsin teada, kas see tõesti toimib. Kas ma saan lisaraha ilma oma pangakontot tühjaks tegemata? Vajutasin “aktiveeri”. Ekraanil muutus number. Tundsin kerget võidurõõmu – mitte veel raha pärast, vaid selle pärast, et midagi läks minu plaani järgi.

Alustasin vaikselt. Panustasin väikseid summasid. Mu eesmärk polnud suur võit. Ma tahtsin lihtsalt tunda seda kergust, mida ma polnud tundnud kuude aega. See, kuidas mäng keerleb, kuidas tuled vilguvad – see kõik oli nagu väike põgenemine minu igapäevast.

Mängisin umbes kakskümmend minutit. Kaotasin paar eurot, võitsin tagasi. See oli nagu õõtsumine. Aga siis tuli see hetk.

Ma olin täiesti unustanud, et mul on sees aktiveeritud boonus. Järsku – ma isegi ei mäleta, millist nuppu vajutasin – ekraan hakkas helendama. Mingi eriline tase avaneb. Sõnad “Jackpot” vilkusid. Ma ei hinganud.

Esimene number tuli: 50 eurot. Siis 150. Siis 400.

Mu käed värisesid. Ma polnud kunagi võitnud midagi suuremat kui kümme eurot loteriis. Ja nüüd ma vaatasin numbrit 850. Ma pilgutasin. Ikka veel 850.

Tehniliselt ei olnud see minu raha. Osa sellest oli boonus. Aga mul polnud vahet. Vavada boonuskood oli avanud ukse millelegi, mida ma polnud oodanud – võimalusele tunda end jälle heledana. Ma isegi naeratasin. Päriselt. Esimest korda pärast vanaema matuseid.

Ma ei läinud kohe magama. Istusin veel, vaatasin numbrit ja mõtlesin. Mõtlesin sellele, kuidas üks väike otsus – lihtsalt proovida midagi uut – võib muuta sinu õhtut. Mitte kogu elu. Aga piisavalt.

Järgmine hommik ärkasin kell kuus. Mitte sellepärast, et ma ei maganud. Vaid sellepärast, et ma tahtsin päevaga midagi peale hakata. Võitsin 850 eurot. Maksin maha telefoniarve. Ostsin endale tossud, mida olin juba ammu tahtnud. Ja siis läksin kalmistule. Istusin vanaema pingile ja rääkisin talle sellest.

“Sa ei usuks,” ütlesin ma. “Ma võitsin. Tegelikult võitsin.”

Ta oleks muidugi öelnud, et ma olgu ettevaatlik. Ja ma olen. Ma ei ole seda mängu enam mänginud. Ma ei plaani ka. Aga see üks kord… see oli täpselt see, mida ma vajasin. Vavada boonuskood – see kolm tähte, numbrit, mida ma vaid korra trükkisin – andis mulle rohkem kui raha. See andis mulle tunde, et ma pole veel päriselt alla andnud.

Nüüd, kui ma tunnen, et elu on liiga vaikne, meenutan ma seda õhtut. See ei tee mind rikkaks. Aga see teeb mind natuke helgemaks. Ja see on minu jaoks rohkem kui piisav.

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